#13 Desire Disasters: What Kills Your Sex Drive & How to Get It Back with Shie Benisti LCSW
Does your sex drive feel like it’s taken an extended vacation? You’re not alone. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we dive into the complexities of sexual desire, mental load, and intimacy blockers with sex therapist Shie Benisti, LCSW.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ Why libido isn’t static – The real reasons your sex drive fluctuates over time
✅ The mental load effect – How stress, daily responsibilities, and emotional labor kill desire (especially for women)
✅ Rethinking “performance anxiety” – Why viewing sex as a performance crushes intimacy
✅ The impact of sexual trauma – How past experiences shape comfort with intimacy and desire
✅ Mismatched libido in relationships – How to communicate and find a balance without resentment
✅ Practical tips for rekindling intimacy – Small but powerful changes that can reignite passion
Key Takeaways:
🔹 Your sex drive isn’t broken – Hormones, stress, and emotional connection all play a role in desire fluctuations.
🔹 The “mental cup” theory – If your brain is overloaded with to-dos, there’s no space left for intimacy.
🔹 Ditch the performance mindset – Sex isn’t a show; it’s an experience to be shared.
🔹 Quality over quantity – Meaningful connection matters more than frequency.
🔹 Desire is like a slow cooker – It needs the right ingredients, time, and attention to thrive.
Connect with Shie:
Shie Benisti, MSW, LCSW, CST, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Therapist, and the Clinical Director of Evolution Wellness. With a deep passion for helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy, communication, and relational challenges, Shie brings warmth, empathy, and a no-BS approach to therapy.
She specializes in:
✔ Overcoming intimacy struggles and reigniting connection in relationships
✔ Setting healthy boundaries to create stronger, more fulfilling partnerships
✔ Addressing sexual concerns with sensitivity, humor, and expert guidance
✔ Helping individuals heal from past trauma that impacts emotional and physical intimacy
Shie believes that therapy should feel safe, supportive, and even a little fun—because real growth happens when you can be honest, open, and truly seen.
📍 Interested in working with Shie? If you’re a North Carolina resident, you can become a client at Evolution Wellness and start your journey toward a healthier, more empowered relationship with yourself and your partner.
👉 Learn more & book a session: https://www.evolutionwellnessnc.com/meet-our-counselors/shie-benisti/
Connect with Kayla:
Website: www.kaylareilly.com
Instagram: @NotYourTherapist.Kayla
Podcast: Subscribe to Not Your Therapist on Spotify , Apple Podcasts or Amazon Music.
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