#16 Emotional Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships: What You’re Missing and How to Get It Back with Amy Phillips LCSW
Struggling to feel close to your partner in a long-term relationship? Tired of fighting about the same things over and over—like dishes, chores, or who's doing bedtime? You’re not alone—and the issue probably isn’t what you think it is.
In this episode of Not Your Therapist, I sit down with couples and individual therapist Amy Phillips, one of our seasoned clinicians at Evolution Wellness in Wilmington, NC. We dive deep into what drives emotional intimacy in long-term relationships, why couples often feel disconnected over time, and what to do when your communication keeps turning into conflict.
We unpack the psychology behind emotional connection, explore the Gottman concept of “bids for connection” (and why they’re so important), and talk about how simple shifts in attention, tone, and timing can bring the spark back to your relationship. Whether you're in the honeymoon stage or a decade in, this episode gives real, practical advice for building stronger communication and connection with your partner—without needing to overhaul your whole life.
Plus, we get into:
Why your arguments often have nothing to do with the surface issue
How to tell when your partner is making a bid for connection
Ways to respond to those bids and repair emotional disconnection
The importance of balancing quality time and alone time
How small daily interactions build lasting emotional intimacy
If you're in a long-term relationship and want to deepen connection, improve communication, and feel more like a team again—this one’s a must-listen.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why long-term relationships often lose emotional intimacy
What a "bid for connection" is and how it can change everything
How to respond to your partner’s bids (and not miss them!)
Why you keep having the same argument over and over
How to balance quality time with your partner and time to yourself
Tips for starting small and making connection a daily practice
💬 Want to work with Amy?
If you’re a resident of North Carolina, she offers both in-person and telehealth sessions through EvolutionWellnessNC.com.
Connect with Kayla:
Website: www.kaylareilly.com
Instagram: @NotYourTherapist.Kayla
Podcast: Subscribe to Not Your Therapist on Spotify , Apple Podcasts or Amazon Music.
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